She laughed. I teared.

Hannah laughed. This time it was not in her dreams. This time it was a clear response to me who was playing with her.

Well it was late at night and she still refused to sleep after her last feed so i just carried her and propped her against my bended knees and started playing with her. She laughed out loudly as if she has been tickled! Naturally I laughed too. I shouted for hubby to come and witness that cute moment. He knelt beside us and watched us play. This time Hannah laughed really loudly and we started laughing too. And something just welled up in my eyes. Somehow I feel overjoyed and touched. I wonder why.

Shortly after, daddy rocked her to sleep.

Talking about tears, I experienced 'heart in my mouth' sensation last afternoon. After much consideration whether I should wean Hannah off her mittens, I decided to do so. Well, my rationale being, it's time for her to start exploring her sense of touch and I shouldn't keep protecting her to the extent it hinders her development. My concern was that she loves rubbing her face, ears, eyes, mouth.. you get the drift. I fear her scratching and hurting herself. Anyway, I took off her mittens.

Then I heard a loud cry. I knew from the way it sounded, something must have happened. I ran to her cot and saw her eyes red and her hand on her face. I carried her and hugged her and was so scared that she has lost her sight or something! I was ready to cry as I pried away her fingers and to my relief it was still intact. Well, the white part of her eye was a little red. I took a toy and started testing her sight to see if she could still focus and follow the toy. Thank God she could.

Immediately, I put back her mittens and sternly told her: ' Mittens for you! No more bare hands!'.

Oh my sweet little baby.

Picture paints a thousand words

1)Hannah's new found friend.

2) She was so unaware that this friend could move.

3)Then as it slowly moved towards Hannah, Hannah was feeling a little uneasy.

4) Hannah got a shock when she saw her friend face to face!

.

5) They had a confrontation.My poor baby lost. She cried. Dolphin still looked as happy and unaffected. :(

Hannah's first roll over! and more...

Today as I rested Hannah on the sofa beside me while I had breakfast (our new routine) she surprised me with her stunt! She kicked her legs in the air and with a whooping twist, she turned over to her stomach down position. She struggled like she was in water and she tried to lift up her head which seemed to weigh a ton. Her legs kicked furiously and one arm was trying to support her entire body to be upright. The other hand unfortunately was still stuck under her chest/stomach. Then she started protesting with her 'grunts'... I turned her over. She tried again but failed time after time to flip over. Finally she was tired and decided to be contented facing up.
Well, I am happy to have captured that FIRST successful attempt! :)

I have been reading a book about SAHMs. It really voiced out my inner thoughts and wow, someone could understand the struggles I go through! :) It is inspiring and it certainly is an uplifting one to read when a SAHM gets tired...and start to question her decision. :)

Sometimes though, I feel that I am too easily persuaded by the books I read. Maybe I should learn to be very objective and reflect to find out what is it that I truly want... Or rather what my friend said, : When we seek to do what God wants, we please Him and ourselves. When we seek to do what we want we ended up pleasing neither. So I take back my last sentence and correct it to: What God truly wants of me. :)

Parenting

There are so many books and theories on parenting these days. Sometimes I wonder if I should follow them. The thing is, like all theories and school of thoughts there are always opposing camps so at the end of the day it is me who has to decide what is best for my child.

I was rather determined to practice the PDF(Parents- Directed Feed) theory initially. The greatest attraction for this is the promise that babies will sleep through the night sooner than most others. Some boasted 9 weeks. WOW! I really was tempted. Can you imagine the freedom and sleep it brings if baby could sleep from 10pm to 7am? I tried. I failed. I don't know. Maybe because I wasn't whole-hearted in the approach. I have my doubts as to whether I need to put myself and baby through such regimes. So along the way I just could not press on. Maybe deep down I am contented enough that Hannah is just waking up once a night near dawn. To me, that was good enough already although I am greedy at times. I want a couple more hours till daybreak. So... the verdict is this. Hannah is now 10 weeks old and she has yet to sleep through. Well occasionally she does.

I was rather bothered at first. I kept counting how many weeks she was. Wondered how long more she'll need before that long anticipated 'sleeping through' comes about. I asked around to check how long others took. I started comparing. I began to wonder if I should seriously embark on the journey of PDF now. IT went on for a while.

Finally, I asked a mother of 4. And her comments made sense to me. Her kids slept through only at 4 years old! But she was not resentful about that lost of sleep. Her theory and advise for me?

" Always remember that the Lord will give you wisdom and understanding for YOUR children and yours alone. We are not called to parent someone else's kids. Neither are other people given authority to parent ours. So take advice in your stride and listen only to God, our only authority."

How true. This pdf theory is so BIG in our church that it seems to be THE WAY. Maybe it isn't. We need to look further and open our eyes and ears to not just how parents in our church bring up their children. There are successes everywhere else too. And we know our child the best. They may be successful but their way may not work best with our child. And it depends on our heart. I choose to follow my heart and find peace in that. And if Hannah is going to take 4 years too to sleep through, I will pray to God for strength and joy to accompany her through those years of night feeds.

I am liberated.



ps: Latest update... Hannah's 6.5kg to date.

Safe in Jesus' arms

Have you ever doubted how safe you could be in Jesus' arm? I learnt a lesson a couple of days back. A lesson of faith. From my baby.

It was a stormy day. Lightning and thunder and heavy rain. Hannah was rudely awakened by a deafening thunder. I too, was afraid (shh... yes... I am afraid of lightning). I cuddled Hannah as she slept. She was totally calm and slept peacefully in my arms.

I looked at her and I realised she trusted me. She trusted that mummy will protect her from that frightening sound and light. She trusted that she could rest totally without a second thought. She slept soundly. And even as the lightning continued to flash and thunder continued roaring, Hannah slept like a baby!( Yes, she's a baby).

Then as I looked at her, I remember that I too am safe in Jesus' arms. Yet, unlike Hannah, I often forget. I forget that I am safe. I fret, I struggle and I lack peace. I must learn to rest in Jesus' arms and be at peace even when I am in the midst of the tempests of life.

Baby is down with a fever :(

Look at how happy Hannah looked before the jab.

Then we went for the compulsory 6-1n-1 jab. six in one! Goodness... those were the days when they first invented 2 in 1 shampoo. Then with time, 3-in-1... and now even jabs come in such package. 6-in-1. Can you imagine how lethal that was!

After breakfast and a good nap, we brought Hannah down to the clinic for her jab. She seemed to know something 'bad' was going to happen because she was rather unsettled. Although I was carrying her she was a little fidgety- which is not like her usual self. Then we sat down beside Dr Wang as he prepared the deadly dosage. I cuddled Hannah close to me and her daddy held her thigh down. I could not bare to look at the sight so I just kept my eyes on Hannah as the injection took place. Poor Thing! She wailed! But only for a short moment. Our brave baby! :)

We went home and Hannah was totally knocked out. She slept a lot and woke up drowsily for her meals. She seemed to have lost her appetite. Anyway the fever only came late in the evening. We decided to turn in early. We fed her parecetamol but she hated it. She vomitted it out almost instantly together with her last feed. Not knowing how much of the medicine came out and how much remained inside, we decided best not to feed again. We resorted to the primitive but most effective way - cold towel on the forehead.

I slept first while hubby stayed up to change the towel and take Hannah's temperature. Until 1230am. I woke up to feed Hannah and to clock my night shift. Somehow I just could not sleep soundly. Perhaps knowing that Hannah is right beside me and she could fall into a bout of fits should her fever hits 38deg made me drift in and out of sleep. I took her temperature every hour or so until 5.30am. I couldn't take it any longer. Went to wake hubby up to clock his shift...
The rest is history.

As i type this now, Hannah's asleep. Her fever has subsided for now. We hope that it is for good. The next injection will be on the 1st July. I hope the innoculation won't be as lethal the next round.

Check out my poor baby:
She was a darling though she was sick. She slept most of the time. When she was alert she was still smiley and chatty. Check out the primitive wet towel vs the modern cold gel pad. I think the primitive one is more effective although it was constantly swiped off by Hannah's hands!

Laughter is the best medicine

Hannah 1 and 2 months old


Hannah laughed. Or should I say she guffawed? Well hubby and I were sitting before the TV watching our Saturday night DVD while I had ?Hannah in my arms patting her to sleep. She was quite asleep already but I wanted to cuddle her a while more. Then suddenly she laughed out loud. Laughed hysterically! With her stomach moving up and down and mouth wide but eyes closed. We stopped the DVD, stared and her and started laughing too. It went on for a while and started again and again and again. She is SO CUTE! Wished I was in time to record down that sound.


I will get a recorder when she starts to speak a few more months down the road. I realized that people usually only keep photos of their kids. I don't want to miss out their voices! I remember when I was a kid my grandma looked after both my cousin and I. My cousin could only fall asleep when she hears her mummy's voice. So we came up with a project! Grandma, aunt and I recorded a cassette. I was the one who said the title and page of each hymn and both grandma and aunt will sing the hymn. The cassette was then played 24/7 whenever my cousin was in the 'cradle'. My grandma kept that CD for a long time. And she gave it to me when I was in P3. I heard my voice (when I was in kindergarten) and I squealed in delight. I sounded so cute. I thought.:) Unfortunately, I misplaced the cassette and that became a part of my childhood memories.

I want to have a recording of Hannah's voice. When she calls daddy and mummy and everyone else. When she starts to sing. When she starts to speak. Now it is a bit hard to predict when she will utter those 'agurs...' but perhaps I should record down her cries. :)


PS: can see how much she has grown in a month?