"I will love you forever. "She told me without battering an eyelid or feeling bashful at all when she was a young innocent primary one child.
She was cheeky and naughty and someone you would want to just 'strangle' to keep her still and silent for a moment at times. Yet, she was made my class monitress.
She was the tallest in class and with her blond hair, she was easily spotted no matter where she tries to hide.
One assembly, I was leading the school for some singing sessions.
And I decided to call upon a brave soul to perform a simple song and and dance for the rest.
Her name was the first to come to my mind.
With all spontaneity, she rose bravely and marched up to the stage. She took centre-staged and gave a thumbs-up performance to the joy of all her classmates. She was all-smiles throughout the performance and happily trodded down the steps at the end of her debut.
I was so proud of her.
That was 8 years ago.
Who would have thought that her life will end 2 days ago.
The news shocked me.
I did not know she was suffering from Brain Aneurysem.
She succumbed the to the illness and went into a coma before leaving us.
Who would have thought that her childhood memories will never move on to her adulthood?
I wonder if I have made an impact in her short life. If I have given her the best memories she could have as a P1 child. I hope I did.
I put myself into the shoes of her mother. And my heart aches for her.
How in the world will she ever have the strength to face up to the fact that her little girl is no longer by her side. That she could never hold her, hear her, see her, hug her, kiss her, talk to her, laugh at her, reprimand her or smell her. That the many hopes that she has pinned on her child would end at that moment. That she will never find out who she will marry someday, what she will work as, how pretty she will look in her wedding dress.
I pray that God will give her family the strength to go through this period of bereavement.
Cherish every moment you have with anyone. You never know when that moment will be the last you'll ever have with him/her.
Friday, December 4, 2009
Thursday, November 26, 2009
Hannah's first swim
We brought Hannah to the pool yesterday. It was great fun! I think I was more excited than her initially but I managed to rub off some excitement on her! :)
Monday, November 16, 2009
:(
J came by today and though we are more of business aquaintance, she poured out her heart to me. Well... maybe she needed an additional avenue to let that hurt and anger flow. Betrayal, hurt and simply the fact that she has sacrificed everything she had did not seem to pay off at all. My heart went out to her.
8 years of courtship, two decades of marriage... a seemingly blissful family completed with children ended with the appearance of another party. The pain in her eyes and her tone when she spoke. The hurt that she tried to conceal. The anger in her speech. My heart went out to her.
Wasn't she once a beautiful bride filled with joy in her eyes as she said that marriage vow?
Wasn't she once full of hope and pride when she presented to her parents " This is the man I want to marry."
Wasn't she the one who as a little girl looked forward to being a bride don with a long train and veil?
Wasn't she the one who was willing to give up all that she had for the family whom she was willing to lay her life down?
Something within me broke.
She regretted her decision. Felt that she did not deserve all that.
She certainly does not.
What is our world coming to?
I pray that Hannah will find someone who will stay true to her someday. That she will marry someone who will cherish her and love her not for a few decades but for as long as she lives. Someone who despite all odds, will hold on to her hand and finish the path that they vow to do so.
Seriously... if not... I'd rather she stays single and stay with me always.
8 years of courtship, two decades of marriage... a seemingly blissful family completed with children ended with the appearance of another party. The pain in her eyes and her tone when she spoke. The hurt that she tried to conceal. The anger in her speech. My heart went out to her.
Wasn't she once a beautiful bride filled with joy in her eyes as she said that marriage vow?
Wasn't she once full of hope and pride when she presented to her parents " This is the man I want to marry."
Wasn't she the one who as a little girl looked forward to being a bride don with a long train and veil?
Wasn't she the one who was willing to give up all that she had for the family whom she was willing to lay her life down?
Something within me broke.
She regretted her decision. Felt that she did not deserve all that.
She certainly does not.
What is our world coming to?
I pray that Hannah will find someone who will stay true to her someday. That she will marry someone who will cherish her and love her not for a few decades but for as long as she lives. Someone who despite all odds, will hold on to her hand and finish the path that they vow to do so.
Seriously... if not... I'd rather she stays single and stay with me always.
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
It wasn't that long ago...
My Family on 9th June 2007
Ever since then... there were more additions to the family.
Chloe, my niece (16Jan 2008)
Hannah, my baby(16 Feb 2009)
The extra extra pounds I've put on since then:(
Monday, November 2, 2009
To train or not to train
I finally understood Hamlet's dilemma... to be caught in between.
Well, I guess there has been sufficient theories to support both camp.
And after much disruption, we've reached a point of desperation. - Well, almost.
I thought I needed a break from the crazy bedtime (if you call it) routine.
Lie on the bed with Hannah and praying to God that she sleeps. But to my dismay she'll be tossing and turning about and playing peek-a-boo with me although her eyes are red with fatigue. Then after an hour, she finally cried and fell asleep. Carried her gingerly to her cot and keeping the house in TOTAL silence in fear that we might wake the princess up. 2 hours. We thought it's time we can go to bed. Princess brawls! Comfort her... to the brink of frustration. Slept. 2 hours...3 hours... the cycle repeats.
Verdict, no sleep for mummy. No sleep for baby. Resulted in frustrated mummy and cranky baby.
So, hoping that the training works (thanks Daze, it did! xxx)
We hardened our hearts and said goodnight and planted a million kisses on Hannah before leaving her to sleep on her own. She cried... with tears and mucus and perspiration! We took turns to comfort her every 5 minutes by telling her we are here. More kisses.
First night: 45 minutes
Second night: 30 minutes
Third night: 20 mintes
fourth night: 10 minutes
fifth night: 15 minutes
sixth night: 10 minutes.....
recently: 5 minutes or less.
WOW! I am liberated! Thank God! It is suc a joy.
But now she started to fuss in the middle of the night. 2am, 3am, 5am...
Time to train her again.
I really hope she can achieve her 12 hours of night sleep as a baby should soon.
As the bimbo in America's Top model said: Keep my fingers crossed, my toes crossed, butt cheeks crossed! ....
Well, I guess there has been sufficient theories to support both camp.
And after much disruption, we've reached a point of desperation. - Well, almost.
I thought I needed a break from the crazy bedtime (if you call it) routine.
Lie on the bed with Hannah and praying to God that she sleeps. But to my dismay she'll be tossing and turning about and playing peek-a-boo with me although her eyes are red with fatigue. Then after an hour, she finally cried and fell asleep. Carried her gingerly to her cot and keeping the house in TOTAL silence in fear that we might wake the princess up. 2 hours. We thought it's time we can go to bed. Princess brawls! Comfort her... to the brink of frustration. Slept. 2 hours...3 hours... the cycle repeats.
Verdict, no sleep for mummy. No sleep for baby. Resulted in frustrated mummy and cranky baby.
So, hoping that the training works (thanks Daze, it did! xxx)
We hardened our hearts and said goodnight and planted a million kisses on Hannah before leaving her to sleep on her own. She cried... with tears and mucus and perspiration! We took turns to comfort her every 5 minutes by telling her we are here. More kisses.
First night: 45 minutes
Second night: 30 minutes
Third night: 20 mintes
fourth night: 10 minutes
fifth night: 15 minutes
sixth night: 10 minutes.....
recently: 5 minutes or less.
WOW! I am liberated! Thank God! It is suc a joy.
But now she started to fuss in the middle of the night. 2am, 3am, 5am...
Time to train her again.
I really hope she can achieve her 12 hours of night sleep as a baby should soon.
As the bimbo in America's Top model said: Keep my fingers crossed, my toes crossed, butt cheeks crossed! ....
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
At long Last
It has been a long month. So much has happened I think it's surreal!
And finally the dust has settled a little ( i hope) and I can sit before the laptop to update this long forgotten blog. :) --> If anyone is still following, that is...
It started with Hannah's teething. She was really fussy and cranky. Two teeth sprouted.
Then we realised she had a growth at the side of her neck. Called the doctor thinking that it was a mump... but was advised to see a doc immediately. We rushed down to the night clinic before it closed at 9pm and was told the BAD news that it could be a lymphnode infection. Apparently, it could be a big thing if it is serious enough. And since it was already 9 odd, we were given the green light to go home to monitor Hannah till the next morning before going for an ultrasound scan.
That night was long. We were instructed to admit her straight into the hospital should she developes a fever. Thank God she did not have a rise in temperature although the sleep was very much disturbed.
The next day, we went to MT A. Saw two PDs and was told to prepare for her admission. :( Did Ultrasound, had to put her on IV. There were 4 swollen lymphnodes and among those one was the size of a ping pong ball and had pus in it. The only ways to remove the pus were: 1) antibiotics through IV 2) operate 3) Use ultrasound and syringe to remove the pus. The non-invasive was definitely the preferred one. We were told that if it showed no progress then we have to consider option 2 or 3.
We stayed 10 days in the hospital. It was crazy being cooped up in the room 24/7. Tiring to entertain her all the time and had very disturbed sleep because she had to go on type A drip every 4 hours and type B every 6 hourly. Each taking 30 mins. Hubby got to juggle work and hospital. Thank God our parents came by to help babysit and entertain her while we take a breather. We didn't have many visitors because the Doc advised against having contacts because her immunity was down and she cannot afford to be exposed to any other virus to complicate things.
Anyway to cut the long story short, we went home after 10 days. Relieved.
BUT the part 2 starts then. Hannah being so used to me in the room with her for 10 days and nights... started this 'stick to mummy' syndrome. I could not leave her an inch without her crying. We sat side by side, I stood up, she cries. I walked to kitchen, she cries. I stood to adjust the fan, she cries. It was madness. And knowing that she was still not totally well, we kind of accomodated her. I was on the verge of a mental breakdown! (well, almost :P) Goodness...
FInally somehow she became better. We decided to train her to be independent again. Then... she woke up with a fever the next day. Then she had false measles! She recovered and I was sick. I recovered and I hurt my back playing and carrying her...
WOW... That's the last thing that has happened. WE finally made it to church after a month.
It has really been non-stop action! ha...
But though these moments, Hannah has learnt to sit from lying position and now, crawl:)
She can now say mamamammamam though I think with no linkage to my identity. She can now give you a 'five' when you ask for it and she can show you what 'no-no' means. (well, she'll shake her head).
I've done up her nursery (except some parts of the door still not painted) she's sleeping in there now. Will update with a picture soon.
Till then. Thank God for He's always been around for us come what may. And I guess going through all these downs as husband and wife has made as more resilient. And we know how precious is it Hannah is to us. And we treasure support from family and friends indefinitely. :)
Kudos to you who went through that crazy moments with us.
And finally the dust has settled a little ( i hope) and I can sit before the laptop to update this long forgotten blog. :) --> If anyone is still following, that is...
It started with Hannah's teething. She was really fussy and cranky. Two teeth sprouted.
Then we realised she had a growth at the side of her neck. Called the doctor thinking that it was a mump... but was advised to see a doc immediately. We rushed down to the night clinic before it closed at 9pm and was told the BAD news that it could be a lymphnode infection. Apparently, it could be a big thing if it is serious enough. And since it was already 9 odd, we were given the green light to go home to monitor Hannah till the next morning before going for an ultrasound scan.
That night was long. We were instructed to admit her straight into the hospital should she developes a fever. Thank God she did not have a rise in temperature although the sleep was very much disturbed.
The next day, we went to MT A. Saw two PDs and was told to prepare for her admission. :( Did Ultrasound, had to put her on IV. There were 4 swollen lymphnodes and among those one was the size of a ping pong ball and had pus in it. The only ways to remove the pus were: 1) antibiotics through IV 2) operate 3) Use ultrasound and syringe to remove the pus. The non-invasive was definitely the preferred one. We were told that if it showed no progress then we have to consider option 2 or 3.
We stayed 10 days in the hospital. It was crazy being cooped up in the room 24/7. Tiring to entertain her all the time and had very disturbed sleep because she had to go on type A drip every 4 hours and type B every 6 hourly. Each taking 30 mins. Hubby got to juggle work and hospital. Thank God our parents came by to help babysit and entertain her while we take a breather. We didn't have many visitors because the Doc advised against having contacts because her immunity was down and she cannot afford to be exposed to any other virus to complicate things.
Anyway to cut the long story short, we went home after 10 days. Relieved.
BUT the part 2 starts then. Hannah being so used to me in the room with her for 10 days and nights... started this 'stick to mummy' syndrome. I could not leave her an inch without her crying. We sat side by side, I stood up, she cries. I walked to kitchen, she cries. I stood to adjust the fan, she cries. It was madness. And knowing that she was still not totally well, we kind of accomodated her. I was on the verge of a mental breakdown! (well, almost :P) Goodness...
FInally somehow she became better. We decided to train her to be independent again. Then... she woke up with a fever the next day. Then she had false measles! She recovered and I was sick. I recovered and I hurt my back playing and carrying her...
WOW... That's the last thing that has happened. WE finally made it to church after a month.
It has really been non-stop action! ha...
But though these moments, Hannah has learnt to sit from lying position and now, crawl:)
She can now say mamamammamam though I think with no linkage to my identity. She can now give you a 'five' when you ask for it and she can show you what 'no-no' means. (well, she'll shake her head).
I've done up her nursery (except some parts of the door still not painted) she's sleeping in there now. Will update with a picture soon.
Till then. Thank God for He's always been around for us come what may. And I guess going through all these downs as husband and wife has made as more resilient. And we know how precious is it Hannah is to us. And we treasure support from family and friends indefinitely. :)
Kudos to you who went through that crazy moments with us.
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